Huge Jack-Pot—Big Time Casino Winner
I am sick and tired of you non-believers—you folks who bob your eyebrows and smile when I tell you that I won big at the casino. Yes, I hear it constantly. Other people who get the same reactions tell me how they go to the casino and win all the time, yet you skeptics don’t believe them. Well, I fixed it. I am providing proof. Yes, I saved my winning tickets and took photos of them, just so I could show you, skeptics. Brent Maverick ain’t got nothin’ on this gambler. I go and dominate those one-armed bandits. I go and I take home winnings every time.
Not only that, they know me by name. I’m special down at the casino I am addressed as “Mister” and they cater to my every whim. I get personalized letters from them, and they give me greasy fried chicken, greasy fried shrimp, flavorless boiled crab-legs, leather-like pizza, over-cooked prime rib, paper-thin steaks, and so many other culinary debacles that I can’t describe them all—AND IT IS ALL FEE!!
No, that isn’t a typo. There is a small fee. All I have to do is put my plastic card in their machine and shove thirty, forty or fifty dollars into the one-armed bandit and I am mailed a ticket to receive all that wonderful food. Heck fire! There was even a poor gal in a too-tight tutu bringing me free liquor while I was doing it. ‘course, if I didn’t tip her, I got only one drink.
SO…this Mississippi gambler showed the Casino. Yes, I did. They can build those huge gambling palaces and pay all those employees with all you loser’s money. Me, I’m a winner. I can put fifty bucks in each machine, but at the end of the night, I win a ticket. And here are the tickets to prove it. By the way: anybody know the difference between a cashout voucher and a cashout ticket? Just thinkin’ I oughta know ‘for I go to collect my winnings.
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Well played, Mr. Garner…. Hope you enjoyed the full house of deserts…
Of course, I enjoyed the deserts. I had raw oysters with hot sauce (had to cut carbs somewhere, you know?).