Road Rage Recipe
Why do you drive up an entrance ramp to an interstate highway with a posted speed limit of 70 MPH driving 35 MPH?
Why do you brake and slow to 35 MPH on an interstate highway several hundred yards prior to entering the quarter-mile long exit ramp?
Why do you sit and stare at a traffic signal that has just gone green for 5 seconds or more before going when there is no cross-traffic?
Why if you are texting at a traffic signal that goes green and I have to honk to get you to wake up and move, do you give me the finger?
Why are you freaking texting and driving?
Why, after sitting at a green traffic signal for 5-10 seconds do you floor it and speed to the next signal only to do the same damned thing?
Why do you ride on my bumper for miles and when you finally decide to go around give me the evil eye?
I am the last car in a long line of traffic in the left-hand lane—Why is it you can’t get behind me, but choose instead to come up the right-lane, edge over, and force your way in front of me?
Why do you run down a quarter-mile long line of backed-up traffic in the right-hand and get road rage when I refuse to let you over?
Why do you drive 15 to 20 miles per hour below the speed limit in the left-hand lane, spot a yellow traffic signal and accelerate, running it on red and leaving me sitting at the light?
Why do you drive along 5-10 MPH below the speed limit, but when I try to pass, you accelerate until we are both going sixty-five in a forty-five?
Why when I make my left-hand turn and proceed and you have a yield sign do you slam on your brakes and go road rage?
Why do you drive through grocery store/shopping center parking lots at 30 MPH and honk your horn in rage when some hapless sap is trying to back out of a parking spot?
Why, dumb-ass white boy, do you think I want to hear your stupid glass-pack mega-phone tailpipes sputtering down the road?
Why, dumb-ass hood-rat, do you think I want to hear your filthy bass rap lyrics booming everywhere you go?
Okay. I know how most of you are feeling right now. Chill. IT AIN’T WORTH IT! YCFS: You Can’t Fix Stupid. Most of these idiots would fail a sobriety test stone sober. They don’t get it. Grit your teeth. Drink a glass of your favorite beverage when you get home i.e. beer, wine, bourbon….and pray they don’t ever legalize the mounting of .30 cals or rocket launchers on our front fenders. We’ll all have adjoining cells at the funny farm and these idiots will still meekly inherit the earth.
“I don’t care what you say. That there’s funny.” –Larry the Cable Guy
FYI: The next novel: Rawlins, has been pushed back to late summer or fall. Sweet Thang decided we had to remodel, the garden needed weeding, the car died and had to be replaced, the kids came into town with the new baby…..I could go on. My last best Beta-Reader is looking at it now, then it’s off to the editors.